HI THERE!!! Long time no write, hey?

So guess who rediscovered his blog! This is freakin fantastic. I haven't posted on here in more than a year. I am most probably the worst blogger in the world. However, thank God Google is trying to take over the internet because since I can remember my G-mail account's password, I can apparently sign into every major website, which makes life so much easier, I won't deny it.

But I digress (and sound a little bit like a Google ambassador don't I?).

How much have changed in my life since my last post. More importantly how wonderful for me to see how it has changed by reading the old posts. In this regard I don't think that modern technology is such a terrible thing. It gives you the opportunity to go and look back at your life and evaluate where you are and where your heading. Did you move forward or backward or have you gone absolutely nowhere. It is as if the Internet has given us an opportunity not only to record our lives but also to evaluate if we like where our life is going. God Bless social Media!

But I digress again (part of being ADD I guess).

My life in comparison to a year and a half ago is so different that I struggle to believe that all those essays were my life once. I have a new job (again) and I am truly happy! Life is good! I know I don't have any followers or any of those type of things on my blog but I feel it vital to get all of this information out of my head. So if you (by the very off chance someone is reading this) will allow me the next few paragraphs to be incredibly selfish and egotistical and let me explain to you what happened in my life in the past year and a half (in a quick narrative, I promise, this won't be a Lord of the Rings type journey you have to go through).

Life has gone all over the place with me. The last time I wrote on this blog was in November of 2013 when I started a new job in Winburg, Free State, South Africa. A small little town in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by game farms, and agricultural areas, where the people that live there looks inbred and the town itself has lost all of its once gloriously beautiful Victorian appeal. There in that small little area of the world between grunting gnu's and all sorts of Impala I was trying to patch things together. My life at that point in time lost a lot of its original shine and splendor. Things were spiraling out of control and I was in a horrible place in my life. Drugs, alcohol and sex wasn't playing a very positive and progressive role and now looking back at it, I don't know how I got myself to that point to start with. Maybe one day I will share on this blog exactly what happened to me and maybe that will give me an opportunity to figure it out for myself, but right now this is not vital to the story. The most important thing to take from this is that my life was falling apart and I (luckily) had the brains and courage of my convictions to realize that I need to get out of my circumstances and make a change. And what a change it was. I left everything I knew behind and moved 100km away from my friends and family and decided to go forth. 

Working at Boschrand(the lodge I managed in Winburg) was in my opinion the beginning of getting my life back in a relatively straight line(well as straight as it would go for a gay guy). It was there that I realised that things are going to change. Just before I decided to try and get rid of all the shit that caused my life to skyrocket into disaster, I was studying a degree in Social Work. I will for the rest of my life regret this decision. I spend 5 years on the degree... and I am so upset that I couldn't have rather spent that time doing something that I loved, something that ignites passion and fire in my soul. I did Social Work professionally for all of a year before I realised that it was slowly killing me inside. Removing helpless children from their abusive parents is not the type of career I would recommend for... well... anyone... Social Work sucks. 

Originally Boschrand was suppose to be an intervention in my life. Something to help me figure myself out. I had the utmost full intentions of going back into Social Work when I thought the time was right. The crisis came in when I realised that no time would ever be right for me to go and do Social Work. The scariest realisation in my life, trumped only by the time that I figured out I was gay. 

What now??? What will I do??? I have no other viable options, I am not trained to do anything else??? How will I live??? 

That is when I realised that a career change is in the works... and nothing could have prepared me for how fast that would happen. 

The answer came to me one night whilst I was sitting on the deck with an African Sunset framing the horizon. It was sitting there, waiting for the bliss of night to come, drinking a glass of red wine, that I finally figured out what it is that I am gonna turn into a career. It was so obvious that I can't understand why I didn't do it earlier. Hospitality!!! Since the day that I finished High School I have worked in Hospitality... and I was good at it!!! My God! It was the most obvious decision. So I went ahead and researched the shit out of my new career and very briefly attempted to become a Flight Attendant... That was a joke. As is life there were a bunch of thieves making promises that was never kept or met and me being the idiot that I was resigned from my job prematurely cause I was going to get a job so easily and make a new life and there were unicorns and rainbows and musical numbers... and then it all crashed and burned in an explosive quality reserved for Michael Bay movies.

Cutting to the point, after 3 months of being unemployed (and living with my parents, the lowest you can fall) I found purely by accident the most amazing job in the world. In a matter of a week my life became a James Bond Martini; Shaken not Stirred. &Beyond Mountain Lodge in KZN phoned me on a Monday morning for a telephonic interview. The Thursday I drove the 900 km to Phinda Private Game Reserve for a working interview, the next Tuesday I got the Job, the Wednesday I officially started. A whirlwind... In a matter of a week I literally uprooted myself from everything and everyone I know, every comfort zone that I have carefully constructed for myself and moved to the middle of nowhere. I now live in the bush surrounded by Lions and Elephants and Leopards. I basically live in the darkest of Africa where the King of the Animals walk freely on the road. How insane is that... My life is every American Clichè about Africa.

At the start of 2015 I decided to, for the first time, make a New Years Resolution. Just one resolution, and it was not to lose weight or quit smoking. It was a very simple resolution and one of the most difficult to attain. My resolution for 2015 was to be happy... Plain and beautiful in its simplicity, that was my biggest aspiration... 

I am very proud to announce that my one and only New Years Resolution I have ever made has come true.

Life is good. Life has a shine to it that was previously difficult to see amidst all the shit that was hanging in the air, among all the depressive thoughts, between all the drugs and sex and alcohol. Life has returned to a state of equilibrium and happiness.

After having read some of my previous posts I hope to change the impression that I believe I have made. I hope I will get to redefine myself. It is an opportunity that rarely happens in life, but it is an opportunity I hope will happen for me. I would love to share with the world this version of myself. A version that is happy and excited and passionate. A version that I like. A version that I want to be.

Watch out world... I am back...