I hate my life...

So it is official... I had the absolute worst weekend that any person can possibly have... It all started on Friday when as I posted in my previous two blogs a job interview that, well to put it mildly, cashed and burned then caused a forest fire through the rest of my incredibly sucky weekend. Seeing that I didn't get the job that would have promised financial security for my imminent future, I had to return Friday night to my second job that helps me pay the bills, a job, might I add, that I hate seeing that bartending and waitering is such a profound job!

Conclusion being, after my incredibly disappointing day I got drunk... and with drunk I mean black out drunk! Me being me decided, very irresponsibly I admit, to drive myself home. Somewhere along the road i hit a pothole or a pavement and i got stuck with a flat tire. Now since i have a very bad history with this deceitful and bitter mode of transportation, i didn't have a spare tire. Conclusively I had to sleep in my car next to a garage until the morning came. 

Here I should stress that, waking up with a hangover from hell in a car that's been standing in direct sunlight for 4 hours and then the glaring sunlight itself is not fun at all. I thought I could die right there. after going through my entire contact list, BBM list no one, and I literally mean no one!, was able to help me. and i find it  very frustrating that I am the person that will bend myself backwards to help my friends and my colleagues but when i stand with a crisis no one can do the effort to try and figure out a way to help me, but that is a whole different blog on its own. 

Conclusively, I was left to walk in my dress shoes that chafes the living shit out of my feet and was not made for long distance walking. After the 6 km's of highway and fields I finally made it home. 

So here I sit... no car, no money and no pride left.

And the worst part of it all is the incessant guilt feeling that won't go away. The feeling that I could have killed someone or myself... The totally irresponsibility of what i did! I'm a social worker for Christ's sake! I work with children who's parents are constant drunks, with mothers and wives and sisters who lost a son, husband or brother because of one deluded night of drinking... 

So this is my weekend. The worst of my life till now.

On one good note though my piano is coming today... My silent therapist... well depending on how my mood is, maybe not so silent... and right now... it won't be that silent.